The Garden of Love: Week 5 in the Song of Songs
We're going to study Song of Songs 4:7-5:1 this week, but before we say our "I dos," we're going to read out of Genesis 2:21-25 about the first union, which God both created and established:
21 And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. 22 Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man.
23 And Adam said:
"This is now bone of my bones
And flesh of my flesh;
She shall be called Woman,
Because she was taken out of Man."
Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed."
The last time we were together, we witnessed a stunning wedding and the beauty of a bride that stood out and above anything Solomon had brought forth.
Now, we're invited to overhear, briefly, the intimacy of what happens in the bedroom within the covenant relationship—the type of covenant that God established through Adam and Eve before the fall.
He
7 You are altogether beautiful, my darling;
there is no flaw in you.
8 Come with me from Lebanon, my bride,
come with me from Lebanon.
Descend from the crest of Amana,
from the top of Senir, the summit of Hermon,
from the lions' dens
and the mountain haunts of leopards.
9 You have stolen my heart, my sister, my bride;
you have stolen my heart
with one glance of your eyes,
with one jewel of your necklace.
10 How delightful is your love, my sister, my bride!
How much more pleasing is your love than wine,
and the fragrance of your perfume
more than any spice!
11 Your lips drop sweetness as the honeycomb, my bride;
milk and honey are under your tongue.
The fragrance of your garments
is like the fragrance of Lebanon.
12 You are a garden locked up, my sister, my bride;
you are a spring enclosed, a sealed fountain.
13 Your plants are an orchard of pomegranates
with choice fruits,
with henna and nard,
14 nard and saffron,
calamus and cinnamon,
with every kind of incense tree,
with myrrh and aloes
and all the finest spices.
15 You are a garden fountain,
a well of flowing water
streaming down from Lebanon.
She
16 Awake, north wind,
and come, south wind!
Blow on my garden,
that its fragrance may spread everywhere.
Let my beloved come into his garden
and taste its choice fruits.
He [Chapter 5]
I have come into my garden, my sister, my bride;
I have gathered my myrrh with my spice.
I have eaten my honeycomb and my honey;
I have drunk my wine and my milk.
Friends
Eat, friends, and drink;
drink your fill of love.
{Song of Songs 4:7-5:1}
"The fundamental reality of every culture is that we are deeply broken people at the core of our beings, and so we will inevitably twist and destroy everything that God has made good. Although the original sin was not sex or lust, that first rebellion against God in the garden of Eden immediately and deeply affected our sexuality. The first man and woman's state of being naked and unashamed together was destroyed by the fall, so that they felt the need to cover themselves immediately with fig leaves (Genesis 3:7)." Song of Songs, Duguid
As the verses begin, it speaks of the wilderness this woman is from. It's a remote place and is in the distant mountain ranges of Lebanon. He's calling her to journey to him. There's such a spiritual parallel here that I don't want to gloss over.
First, that Christ calls us to follow Him (Matthew 4:19). He calls us to journey with Him; but, He doesn't allow us to travel alone because He promises He will never leave us or forsake us (Hebrews 13:5).
The man goes on to express how his Bride has stolen his heart. Essentially, in Hebrew, it means he's lost his head because he's so head over heels.
The comparison of the marriage is made to a vineyard or garden. "You are a garden locked up, my sister, my bride; you are a spring enclosed, a sealed fountain." Remember how we talked about having godly guardrails and mentors in our life who can help us remain pure and "catch the foxes" in life's vineyard.
"In those days, kings and wealthy people created gardens as private places of leisure and intimacy with privileged friends. Such places were not open to be viewed or trampled by the general public. Likewise, in an arid climate, fountains were used to provide the water that was necessary for a garden to produce its lush growth. Such precious water could not be freely distributed to all without depriving the garden of its resources, and so it was sealed." Song of Songs, Duguid
Knowing this bit of history and context allows Proverbs 5:15-19 to make more sense as we think of male and female sexuality:
Drink water from your own cistern,running water from your own well.
Should your springs overflow in the streets,
your streams of water in the public squares?
Let them be yours alone,
never to be shared with strangers.
May your fountain be blessed,
and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.
A loving doe, a graceful deer—
may her breasts satisfy you always,
may you ever be intoxicated with her love.
God is not harsh or restrictive, as the culture would often portray. Restraint is the road that leads to delight. This world would tell us to "drink and enjoy" whatever our cravings lead us to do. However, we must remember that Christ has called us to follow Him. Through the power of His Holy Spirit, He equips us for each step.
Starting in verse 16, you read how the woman responds to the man.
Awake, north wind,
and come, south wind!
Blow on my garden,
that its fragrance may spread everywhere.
Let my beloved come into his garden
and taste its choice fruits.
There is no force or pressure. He has spoken to his bride, and she is careful not to reject him. The winds turn the locked garden into an open paradise exclusively for the beloved to enjoy its delights. I love how she offers herself up for him, just as we are to offer ourselves up for Christ as it talks about in Romans 12:1:
"Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship."
We could spend hours taking apart these verses, but I think this is a section of scripture that is best held in conversation with your spouse and in an exploration of what's righteous and true. I'll share a few resources this week that my husband and I have read or enjoyed over the years. We are no experts in marriage, but after 12 years, we've certainly learned a great deal (and continue to make learning about each other a priority).
Marriage takes work, and it's worthy work. You may be thinking, "This isn't what I signed up for." And, most couples (even the godliest of ones) will have whispered or thought those same words. We all struggle because we are deeply, insanely selfish. We want what we want when we want it and how we want it. It's part of our fallen state. And marriage is one way that the Lord works to sanctify us and make us more like Him because there must be a yielding to your spouse.
Conversation, connection, preemptive work, and intentionality are daily requirements for healthy marriages. Keep persevering.
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Ryan and Selena have a terrific podcast and resources. They are transparent and Gospel-centered. We've enjoyed working through these prayer books as well as See-Through Marriage.
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Spending 1:1 time together is essential to a healthy marriage. We've experienced these marriage retreats, hosted by Focus on the Family, in the past. I'm sure you can find others in your area. What's important is is that you spend time together and are fed God's Word so you can grow in unity.