We continue this week learning about the marriage of a new husband and wife. We eavesdropped last week on their little disagreement, and now we see Scripture display to us how to forgive. This message is for all believers, not just folks who are married. Singleness is a high calling, as we’ve mentioned, and this week has pearls of peacemaking that will help you professionally, personally, and with those around you.

He

4 You are as beautiful as Tirzah, my darling,

    as lovely as Jerusalem,

    as majestic as troops with banners.

5 Turn your eyes from me;

    they overwhelm me.

Your hair is like a flock of goats

    descending from Gilead.

6 Your teeth are like a flock of sheep

    coming up from the washing.

Each has its twin,

    not one of them is missing.

7 Your temples behind your veil

    are like the halves of a pomegranate.

8 Sixty queens there may be,

    and eighty concubines,

    and virgins beyond number;

9 but my dove, my perfect one, is unique,

    the only daughter of her mother,

    the favorite of the one who bore her.

The young women saw her and called her blessed;

    the queens and concubines praised her.

Friends

10 Who is this that appears like the dawn,

    fair as the moon, bright as the sun,

    majestic as the stars in procession?

He

11 I went down to the grove of nut trees

    to look at the new growth in the valley,

to see if the vines had budded

    or the pomegranates were in bloom.

12 Before I realized it,

    my desire set me among the royal chariots of my people.

Friends

13 Come back, come back, O Shulammite;

    come back, come back, that we may gaze on you!

He

Why would you gaze on the Shulammite

    as on the dance of Mahanaim?

7 How beautiful your sandaled feet,

    O prince's daughter!

Your graceful legs are like jewels,

    the work of an artist's hands.

2 Your navel is a rounded goblet

    that never lacks blended wine.

Your waist is a mound of wheat

    encircled by lilies.

3 Your breasts are like two fawns,

    like twin fawns of a gazelle.

4 Your neck is like an ivory tower.

Your eyes are the pools of Heshbon

    by the gate of Bath Rabbim.

Your nose is like the tower of Lebanon

    looking toward Damascus.

5 Your head crowns you like Mount Carmel.

    Your hair is like royal tapestry;

    the king is held captive by its tresses.

6 How beautiful you are and how pleasing,

    my love, with your delights!

7 Your stature is like that of the palm,

    and your breasts like clusters of fruit.

8 I said, "I will climb the palm tree;

    I will take hold of its fruit."

May your breasts be like clusters of grapes on the vine,

    the fragrance of your breath like apples,

9 and your mouth like the best wine.

She

May the wine go straight to my beloved,

    flowing gently over lips and teeth.

10 I belong to my beloved,

    and his desire is for me.

11 Come, my beloved, let us go to the countryside,

    let us spend the night in the villages.

12 Let us go early to the vineyards

    to see if the vines have budded,

if their blossoms have opened,

    and if the pomegranates are in bloom—

    there I will give you my love.

13 The mandrakes send out their fragrance,

    and at our door is every delicacy,

both new and old,

    that I have stored up for you, my beloved.

[Song of Songs 6:4-7:13]

In the previous lesson, there was a hiccup in the marriage, which was largely the woman's fault. She rejected her lover and was in a dreamlike sequence that caused further turmoil in her heart. 

In Songs 6:4-7:9, you see the man's response to her effort of reconciliation. Notice that there's no hint or undertone of bitterness or unforgiveness as the man describes His bride. He re-uses many of the enduring terms he said on their wedding night. He wanted her to know how much he valued her -- even after the disruption. 

Note to reader: whether in marriage or simply relationships, when there are difficulties, frustrations, rejection, and hurt — it would do us all well to reinstate other people's value. 

A couple of Scriptures come to mind when thinking about this concept on reinstatement. First, Romans 12:18 is a constant reminder for me: 

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.

What a reminder that regardless of who is at fault, I should live at peace with everyone as far as it depends on me. Sometimes that will mean seeking reconciliation first, even when it "feels" like the other person should take the initial step. 

The other Biblical story that underscores forgiveness and reconciliation is when Jesus publicly restores Peter in John 21:15-19:

15 When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, "Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?"

"Yes, Lord," he said, "you know that I love you."

Jesus said, "Feed my lambs."

16 Again Jesus said, "Simon son of John, do you love me?"

He answered, "Yes, Lord, you know that I love you."

Jesus said, "Take care of my sheep."

17 The third time he said to him, "Simon son of John, do you love me?"

Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, "Do you love me?" He said, "Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you."

Jesus said, "Feed my sheep. 18 Very truly I tell you, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go." 19 Jesus said this to indicate the kind of death by which Peter would glorify God. Then he said to him, "Follow me!"

It was for Peter's self-examination that Jesus asked these questions. Jesus didn't ask Peter, "Are you sorry?" or "Will you promise never to do that again?" Jesus challenged Peter to love. And, by feeding God's people (sheep), he was displaying his love for Christ. Faith without works is dead (James 2:14). 

By taking all of this and applying it to the scene between the husband and wife in Song of Songs, we can see how words without action are meaningless. If the man was saying all the right words, but his tone and demeanor were not one of forgiveness, it would've only compounded the issue, not resolved it. 

In our own stories and life journeys, we must allow the Holy Spirit to examine our motives and to prompt us to love in action. We can't simply say, "You know that I love you." We must naturally display that peacemaking, reconciliation, and love in our deeds. 

The man in Song of Songs first provides affirmation to his bride based on her uniqueness as an individual and then talks about how she compares to others. The comparison game can be a sticky widget when we compare ourselves with others. I wrote about that recently in Stirring Up Hope. 

That said, when it comes to someone we deeply care for comparing us above others, it builds confidence and produces fruit. We all want to be "the favorite." I know that I want my husband's desire to only be for me, and I pray that over him frequently. I want to know that I am above all else. 

The same is true in our heart as a believer. We want to know that we are wanted, valuable, secure, competent, beautiful, and called. God fully knows us, and part of the abundant Christian life is understanding how He sees us and learning what He knows about our own selves. Isn't that incredible? 

Isaiah 61:1-2 "The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me, because the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the poor; he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound; to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all who mourn."

Just as the man was there to comfort and restore his wife, so to the Lord is ready to do the same for us when we fail and stumble. He is ready to bind up your brokenness, give you the keys to freedom, open up doors of love for you, and proclaim His favor over you. 

He brought me to the banqueting house, and his banner over me was love. Song of Songs 2:4 (ESV)

Let Him spread His banner of favor and grace over you today, beloved. 

As we read about the woman's thoughts and words starting in 7:9b, Glickman summarizes, "Guilt had turned her eyes inward, but he brought them outward. She went down to the garden in self-conscious guilt in hope of renewal, and she was met with praise which turned her eyes from herself to him, and once to him, back to herself through eyes of forgiveness." 

Let us turn our eyes outward and upward to Christ Jesus! Amen.