May is Mental Health Month, and I typically try to find a few minutes and reflect on all things mental health with the organization I lead, and also on the blog. For too long, the Church has separated, ignored, glossed over, or awkwardly addressed mental health. I’m deeply disappointed in this and am still wrestling through it all to find truth via God’s instruction, wisdom, and discernment. None of us are problems to be fixed; we are people to be understood. Our Father knows this, desires this, and calls us into this knowing so that we can fully embody Christ — in our whole heart, in our whole self, and in our whole intelligence (Matthew 22:37).
“Being known. Our Western world has long emphasized knowledge—factual information and “proof”—over the process of being known by God and others. No wonder, then, that despite all our technological advancements and the proliferation of social media, we are more intra- and interpersonal isolated than ever. Yet it is only when we are known that we are positioned to become conduits of love. And it is love that transforms our minds, makes forgiveness possible, and weaves a community of disparate people into the tapestry of God’s family.”
—Anatomy of the Soul, Curt Thompson
I have done a few interviews and podcasts recently, and one of the questions I typically receive is about what disciplines or practices I adhere to or the wisdom I would give others. My responses vary depending on the audience, but I wanted to share one practice I learned and regularly integrate into my morning coffee time.
I am an early riser. I slept until 6 a.m. this morning (school is officially out, and Mama is tired and sleeping in now!), but typically, my husband and I are up by no later than 4:30 a.m., pulling our espresso shots. I journal quite a bit (because words to speak are sometimes hard to find as an introvert), and at least once a week (and sometimes daily if I'm going through a hard season), I go through a series of reflective questions to anchor and regulate my often hyper-paced and dysregulated life. This approach isn't the only tool; it's one tool (of many) that I have found helpful and ties nicely to Mental Health Month. I'll share with you the questions I ask myself and statements I make along the way, and as I do this, I write them down in my journal.
Aware: Something is going on inside my body. Am I stressed, upset, concerned, overwhelmed, etc.? What am I feeling? I name the emotion and give myself space to care.
Accept: If my heart is wounded, it is my job to own and care for it. Feelings are not meant to control you, they are there to inform you. I accept the feeling as accurate and honest, and then courageously look at the cause.
Allow: I remind myself that I am loved and that it is okay to invite others into my feelings and express them in a safe place. Sometimes, that is in prayer, sometimes with my husband, sometimes in my Tuesday morning confessional community, sometimes with a trusted friend, etc. I also tell myself that God is for me and desires to be invited into what I am feeling. He wants to do life with me.
Attend: I ask myself questions like:
“God, what is your truth?”
"Lord, what am I not seeing?"
"What else might be true about this situation?"
"Is this feeling familiar?"
"Am I amplifying or distorting what I'm feeling?"
I set my perceived truths aside in order to take ownership for my part in what I’m feeling, and then I take steps to be more resilient (act).
Act: After I've walked through those 4 A's (Aware, Accept, Allow, and Attend), I ask, "What does taking care of myself look like?" And, "What actions can I take that give me the character I desire?"
I write all five "A's" down and complete each step—if you cut yourself off halfway through, you don't get the full power of learning emotional intelligence and building resiliency. Some mornings, it takes me just a few minutes; others, it feels like it takes an eternity. That is true of life, and of the seasons we experience...so have grace with yourself as you practice.
Transformation is a journey, and it's hard work. But it's also a joy when you learn to love the work and begin to partner with Christ in His transformative work. There's no right or wrong way to create space and care for yourself; the secret is consistently creating space for yourself and owning your part with Christ. When we create margin to tend to ourselves, we grow in our capacity to love and care for others.
I am an imperfect example of going through this practice. But make no mistake: I practice this a lot. My past and present experiences and actions overflow with upheavals, dysregulation, and dysfunction. But, in the end, we are all in this together. And, together, we will practice living from the transformative Seed deposited in us. Amen.
